Wednesday, January 27, 2010

Prayer Request

Hello Everyone,

I know its been a good while since I've posted a blog. I have a lot I want to blog about in the coming days and weeks though so keep checking in :)

Many of you know I have a son, Mazio, and you know the illness that I developed which ultimately was the reason for his early birth. Preeclampsia. One word that could have me shuddering as soon as I hear it. This disease had haunted me my whole pregnancy. Its one of the most common problems in pregnancy and also unfortunately the leading cause of death for infants and mothers. Its pretty scary because it doesn't discriminate, it can happen to anyone at anytime in their pregnancy. It just shows up over night and can get worse in the blink of an eye. I was lucky my life and my son's had been spared by this disease, but there are so many who don't get happy endings.
Its been 7 months now since Mazio was born. I said when he was born that I didn't want to think about anymore til he is 2. As you can guess, right now I'm really feeling the itch for more. I would love to have many more babies! I love everything about being a mother. That is what puts me here at a cross roads. Experts say that I have about a 20% chance of developing preeclampsia in a future pregnancy. Which that doesn't sound too bad, that means there is an 80% chance of not getting it, however there is still a chance. If you have had preeclampsia once you know what its like and wouldn't want to go through all that again. I really enjoyed my pregnancy despite the illness. Ben and I have been discussing our options and what we want to do. We were debating on adoption or trying again. Although we do want to adopt some day, we have chosen to try again this summer.
I'm feeling good about our decision but some days are better than others. Naturally I do get scared. I joined the website so I could learn from other women and share my story. Maybe I will be able to comfort another woman going through what I went through. When I was in the hospital I often read the stories of other women on this site to gain a better understanding and comfort. Recently there was a posting on the site of all the member's who lost babies due to this disease, and I began to just ball all morning. All those precious babies all gone, to see them all written out was just heart breaking. It made me realize what I could lose. I know if God willed for us to lose a baby when we try again that we would get through it and do our very best to glorify Him throughout it all, but I'm human still. I know how bad my heart would break and how deeply sad I'd be. I've felt much stronger about this before and like I said some days are better than others. I really would like your prayers on this. I feel confident in our decision, I just need encouragement in this area. I do trust in God and whatever His will would be for our future child. We know God will use this child for His will regardless and that does bring peace to me. I just ask for your prayers. Thank you all!

God Bless,

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Stepping Forward

Hey Everyone

My writers block is finally gone!!....for now :) I'm sorry its been so long since I've written anything. I think I know what it feels like to feel sort of "luke warm" ,as I recently heard a woman say, with my walk with Christ lately. I have just been feeling blah. Like the passion has subsided a bit. Its kinda sad. God gives you these deep convictions of heart and all the passion that comes with it and you feel on fire, then it slowly cools and you start the process of living to those convictions and the intense feeling isn't so intense. Do you know what I mean? I think I've also been occupying my mind/ time with unimportant things and lacking in my reading His word. I have felt really guilty about it and thats the reason I haven't written much or might be why I hadn't had much I felt I could write about. I love how God uses the simplest means to wake us up.

Well any ways recently I've been thinking about fellow like minded women in the past. Their lives were so different then mine now. They worked so hard. They don't have the modern day advantages I have today. They couldn't go to the grocery store and buy frozen meals, or drive cars, buy their clothes pre-made. We live such lazy lives compared to them. And we have all these amentities due to technology. We take for granted so much. I think though because back then people's lives were shorter and harder that people were deep thinkers and enjoyed talking much more. When I say talking I don't mean we don't enjoy talking today, but they really listened better in conversations.

So lately I decided since I enjoy being crafty and really want a better mind set and try to tap into that reality of theirs, I started to sew and try quilting and want to start knitting. I know that might sound silly, but I think it kinda shows what women had to do back then and as it says in the bible as women we're to tend to our homes. I think God could really work in me by teaching me a simpler mindset. I've had to battle my sin of laziness, something I've had my whole life. The youngest with 3 brothers I had it pretty easy growing up. So I'm thinking by learning more on sewing and etc... it might help me understand self discipline. I know this might sound a bit silly, but if you think about it how much time do we spend being lazy or tending to our wants. And how much of all that do we learn to be grateful for what we have? Its crazy that as humans and sinners all we naturally think about And I WANT this or that. So wonder we push away God.

Well these were my thoughts for today, I know it wasn't much and hopefully soon I'll have something better!

Love you all,