Monday, May 16, 2011

So far this time around...

This third time around I am feeling good. At first I had only a few early pregnancy symptoms but nothing that affected my daily life. Then I started really feeling the fatigue and still currently do. At about 6 weeks the "morning sickness" began. When pregnant with my son and this time I have been fortunate to just experience the nausea and not the frequent run to the bathroom sickness. The nausea has subsided now but the food aversions is still going strong as well as the heightened sense of smell. So symptom wise I'm doing good but experiencing more than I did with the molar pregnancy. I keep hearing that is good news.

The ultrasound I had at 6 weeks showed an embryo with a good heart beat with a 121 or 128 heart rate. This time both Ben and I saw the baby's heart beating. It was pretty terrifying for me having that first ultrasound. As many of you know that is how they discovered that our second baby was no longer living. I was very afraid of the same thing happening again. Thankfully that was not apart of the Lord's plan that day and it turned out that everything with this baby is going well.

Emotionally being pregnant this time has its ups and downs. I feel better now than I did before because I think each day gives me a little more hope. Most days I try not to think about the baby too much and try to stay busy. Fortunately with my crazy almost 2 yr old running and playing he keeps me quite busy all day. I'm very excited for this summer with him and watching him really be able to play and take advantage of his age.

I am no longer seeing a np at my doctors office. I am now seeing only doctors because of my high risk from severe preeclampsia with my first pregnancy. That actually makes me feel more at ease knowing they are watching closely.

I actually had to change doctors in the early days of this pregnancy. My old doctor with the molar pregnancy could not handle my high risk health. It was a terrible appointment when I discovered this but thankfully God has moved me back to the doctor I was seeing when I was pregnant with my son and who delivered him as well. I feel at ease being there now. I originally left there back in the day because I added medicare to our insurance and the desk women were not very kind to me regarding that issue. I'm sure some of you who have ever had to go onto medicare understand how vicious doctor's offices can be about that stuff.

It's been a bit hectic with this pregnancy so far with my old doctor and just nerves but I feel pretty good and hopeful. My next appointment is June 6th. I'm not sure when I'll have another ultrasound but I hope I get one soon!

Saturday, May 14, 2011

A Hopeful Surprise

Sorry I haven't been blogging lately. I have been sick and then it got kinda busy around here. So I thought I'd update finally.

As many of you know who have been following my blog for a while now that I had a partial molar pregnancy last September that resulted in the death of our second baby at 6 weeks gestation. I thought I'd give a quick recap to those who might stumble upon this blog and not know the story. I had to have a d&c because my body wasn't miscarrying naturally. That's when everything got far more difficult than we expected when I lost 1500cc of blood during the surgery from hemorrhaging badly. At the end of all that and 3 hours of surgery I was left with a blood transfusion, physical pain, and a broken heart. At first we were told that all hope for more children was lost and the long journey of recovering after a new diagnosis of partial molar pregnancy was about to begin. Its been nearly 7 months of regular blood work and then monthly blood draws. In the midst of all the blood work though our doctor gave us some hope by telling us that we may yet be able to have more babies as soon as my blood work was finished.

It's been a long physical and emotional journey but also one of spiritual growth and understanding. I truly believe all hard journeys are not without a deep movement and stirring by God into the hearts of those who bear their burdens. For me, this was the hardest thing I have yet done in my life. Saying goodbye to a child is one of the most difficult things my brain can attempt to comprehend even now. I feel God strengthened me in this process and nudged me closer to Him. I cannot imagine enduring all that without Him.

Through this whole after process and spiritual growth there was one thing that has always been burning within my heart. I feel this strong desire for a baby. Ever since I lost our second child it was like my body went through all these motions to care for this baby that never was to be. So I almost feel out of wack. It may sound odd or silly but I think that emptiness I felt in my heart some how extended out towards the rest of my body.
We set this March as our beginning point of trying again for another baby. Not knowing what to really expect if anything at all we were incredibly surprised at what happened next...

I just stared at it for what seemed like a long time trying to believe what I was looking at. Almost a dream like at any moment I could wake up and it would be like some distant memory. After initially being told that you could never have any more babies this was a remarkable moment. I am currently 9 weeks and due December 19th. I will more than likely ,if I have no re-occurance of preeclampsia, have an amnio test done at 36 weeks and probably have a scheduled repeat c-section around Thanksgiving.

I have had one ultrasound so far at 6 weeks...

I have hid this news for several weeks now because I really didn't want to hurt or upset anyone. I know so many who have lost babies and I know their pain and how happy yet hard it can be to hear of someone else that you know who is newly pregnant.
I hope that this news hasn't caused any of you pain and if so I'm very sorry and I really have tried to wait a while and think on how to reveal this gently to you all. You all mean so much to me!