I know its been a good while since I've posted a blog. I have a lot I want to blog about in the coming days and weeks though so keep checking in :)
Many of you know I have a son, Mazio, and you know the illness that I developed which ultimately was the reason for his early birth. Preeclampsia. One word that could have me shuddering as soon as I hear it. This disease had haunted me my whole pregnancy. Its one of the most common problems in pregnancy and also unfortunately the leading cause of death for infants and mothers. Its pretty scary because it doesn't discriminate, it can happen to anyone at anytime in their pregnancy. It just shows up over night and can get worse in the blink of an eye. I was lucky my life and my son's had been spared by this disease, but there are so many who don't get happy endings.
Its been 7 months now since Mazio was born. I said when he was born that I didn't want to think about anymore til he is 2. As you can guess, right now I'm really feeling the itch for more. I would love to have many more babies! I love everything about being a mother. That is what puts me here at a cross roads. Experts say that I have about a 20% chance of developing preeclampsia in a future pregnancy. Which that doesn't sound too bad, that means there is an 80% chance of not getting it, however there is still a chance. If you have had preeclampsia once you know what its like and wouldn't want to go through all that again. I really enjoyed my pregnancy despite the illness. Ben and I have been discussing our options and what we want to do. We were debating on adoption or trying again. Although we do want to adopt some day, we have chosen to try again this summer.
I'm feeling good about our decision but some days are better than others. Naturally I do get scared. I joined the preeclamsia.org website so I could learn from other women and share my story. Maybe I will be able to comfort another woman going through what I went through. When I was in the hospital I often read the stories of other women on this site to gain a better understanding and comfort. Recently there was a posting on the site of all the member's who lost babies due to this disease, and I began to just ball all morning. All those precious babies all gone, to see them all written out was just heart breaking. It made me realize what I could lose. I know if God willed for us to lose a baby when we try again that we would get through it and do our very best to glorify Him throughout it all, but I'm human still. I know how bad my heart would break and how deeply sad I'd be. I've felt much stronger about this before and like I said some days are better than others. I really would like your prayers on this. I feel confident in our decision, I just need encouragement in this area. I do trust in God and whatever His will would be for our future child. We know God will use this child for His will regardless and that does bring peace to me. I just ask for your prayers. Thank you all!