Saturday, June 19, 2010

Catching Up...

Hello Wide abyss that I'm writing to. I know that no one really ever reads my posts, but to me at times it makes me feel like I do when I run. Running is the best out source for stress and anxiety I think. Doctor's could save people thousands of dollars on prescription meds if the just started prescribing a short morning jog or an evening long hard run. It even presents other health benefits ...ex good for your heart and etc.. There is something about the way my shoes hit the ground or pavement and all my thoughts are left behind with each step. Its hard to put into words. I guess that is how writing on here makes me feel too. There is just something about getting all my crazy thoughts out of my head and on to this blog. A cleansing of the mind so to speak.

Well abyss, I will continue on with my title to this blog, catching you up on my life the past 3 months. I've been semi busy. Lets see, in April I had my cousins wedding, which was beautiful, but it seems being in weddings and wearing a fancy dress seems to just point out to yourself how much weight you need to and should have lost before this wedding. :( All in all a great day though! :) May, there was Mother's Day which as my first official one it went pretty great. Ben got me some plants...beautiful pink azaylia ( or however you spell it) bushes and a rose bush. Spent the day with my men :) and family.
And of course this month, June. We celebrated Mazio's 1st birthday last week! I'm still blown away at how this year has just flown by. I couldn't help but remember the rollercoaster of emotions and fear that I had last year when he was born. Now here he is a happy healthy one year old. I look back now thinking why couldn't someone have told me how it would all end.? But then I think I don't think I would have grown and changed and trusted more in God if someone just told me it would turn our fine. He had an amazing birthday with lots of toys and clothes and he even got to sit and pet a pony:) He wasn't shy about digging into his blue football helmet smash cake his mumma made for him :) Mazio's life and start in this world was such a strong testament to me of God's glory. I remember when I first saw him on the ultra sound screen in wonderment at how complex God is. How He can create human life. Its truly amazing!! Speaking of that.....
Well this month was our time TTC for #2. We haven't been really trying but not "not" trying if you know what I mean. My period is so crazy irregular that I started to think maybe my theory that I may be a fertile myrtle was true, sadly I'm not....aunt flo just decided to come almost 3 weeks late. I wish that she could atleast call ahead! Ah well! I'm really feeling the baby bug lately. Looking back at pictures of Maz, makes me miss holding him in my arms as a tiny newborn. Though hopefully next time around it won't be quite so tiny :) Well I'm sure I shall write more later, but its getting late...... Good night oh wide abyss.



Just some I've been kinda playing around with...not yet finished though....

Its such a struggle as I fumble with my fingers trying so hard to hold on
to you.
As the world pulls on me like a suction and sin is like a whirlwind around
My only form of protection, my love for you like a dagger.
Will you abandon me? Am I not who I once thought I was?
Sometimes it gets dark and lonely then you bless me with a kindred soul.
My thoughts haunt me as I fight for your image.
I've rejected and disgraced you, yet your mighty face surrounded by grace
reminds me.
How can there be enough grace for little me?Set a blaze then put out , how
do I restart you, flame?
Being comfortably warm isn't the same. All the biggest battles I find
Narrow the path that leads to life and lined with slippery stone.
Bestow with passion and set me free from this sin that binds me.
The glory that leads my life is yours. I surrender to You ,my Love, my
Savior,my Father.

Hide Me Away....

Hide me away from this dark place;

Where lies are etched upon my face,
Where in my heart pride has taken Your place,
Where the reins of my life are led by selfishness,
Where anger roams around without a harness,
Where lust flirts and desires become me,
Where jealousy chains me away from being free,
Where hate boils deep with in,my driving force,
Where greed flows through leaving no remorse,
Where in my reflection vanity thrives,
Where self-righteousness fills my eyes,

O' Lord hide me away from this dark place...