Monday, March 28, 2011

"Nothing Hidden" website


If you all remember a few posts back I blogged about a friend of mine's book debuting on Amazon for download. The book is called "Nothing Hidden". My dear friend, Debbie, has now started up her very own website for her book and more books to come! So if you haven't downloaded her book yet and wanted to read a few samples of it please visit: http://booksby.edmisten.me/booksby/Welcome.html

You won't be disappointed when you read Ashleigh Craig's desperate attempt at seeking out Mona's past before she passes away. A race against time and a thrilling mystery of an old woman's past. You're going to love this book!!

You can also check out some samples of Debbie's other upcoming book, "The Invisible Line".


I also have a link on the side bar if you'd ever like to visit her site in the future.


Tuesday, March 22, 2011

Down in the dumps

I know we all have our days or moments when we feel just sad for no apparent reason. It happens. Maybe for women its more of a hormonal thing, I'm not really sure.
Today is a down in the dumps day for me. The weather is emulating my mood well. Very blah, a cool 45 and a cloudy sky.

I know why I'm feeling a little sad today though and it's not just a hormonal or weather driven sadness. It's hitting me finally that it's nearly April and I haven't got a huge belly or am anxiously awaiting the arrival of a beautiful bundle. I'm baby less and feeling it. I would have been due on April 9th but if I made it far enough I would have had a scheduled c-section this week or the next. I know it was God's will and am content in His hands but that doesn't eliminate the pain or the sporadic bouts of sadness.

I always dreamed of having a larger family and coming from a family of four I grew up quite used to the idea of having a couple siblings. I enjoyed having brothers and would have enjoyed a sister or two as well. Mazio is such a fun loving little boy and whether I want to admit it or not he is growing up right before my eyes. He loves playing with other children so much. My heart just aches that he may never have any siblings to grow up with like I did.

For a time I had come to terms with the thought of our single child family and could see us quite happy with that life. Now it's as if I'm reminded ever so often when I see Mazio with other little children that he enjoys them so much. I can almost wonder what thoughts he might have as he grows older with nobody to play with, wondering why he doesn't have a brother or a sister. I know it's all in the Lord's will and timing if and when more would come. Right now however in my sad mood it's all I can seem to think about.

Needless to say I don't like feeling randomly sad. I long for tomorrow when the sun will shine again and a new day will bring a different mood, a more pleaseant sort of mood.

Monday, March 21, 2011

Friday, March 18, 2011

Baby Name Blankies

Photobucket



If any of you know any other BLMs (Baby Loss Moms) out there that you think would like a personalized blankie square please send them over to my second blog....Wrapped up in Hope.



Thursday, March 17, 2011

Spring is here!

What a beautiful day it was today! At least here in Ohio it was quite lovely and if you're from Ohio you know how unpredictable our weather can be! Days like today bring out smiles. It's amazing to look at the beautiful sunshine after all the gloom of the winter sky and rain we've received lately. What's even more amazing is that God is the creator of such beauty! God is good!

Here are some pictures from yesterday as I was too busy playing with Mazio outside to snap any of today. You'd think it'd be pretty easy for a kid to get preoccupied with his toys but no they have to go out and explore EVERYTHING! :) I got a double workout just chasing after him today!




His police car was a sweet garage sale find from last summer. I have plans to re-decorate it soon since it's missing all the stickers.



Oh and this is my monster child devouring his dinner tonight! :)



Yes, that white dot in his hair is mashed potatoes. Gotta love him!

Hope you all got to enjoy the sunshine today!

Wednesday, March 16, 2011

Blankies

As you guys know I've started my second blog over here>>>>
I made it to bring comfort as well as send out these free minature receiving blankets for greaving mother's. Well after fighting and losing the battle with my grandma's serger I feel I have finally conquered the task with the sewing machine! :)

My first four finished blankies were sent out today! I'm sure I'll still tweak the design and etc as well as get better but I'm excited none the less!

Photobucket

I feel like I've been warped into a craft crazie! I keep sewing, stitching, and sewing some more! My days seem to fly by just because I'm so busy sewing! It's been a nice distraction though through this cold that has engulfed my house lately. I'm really enjoying this new hobby! I already have a bunch of crafty ideas that I can't wait to try sometime. Ben probably thinks I'm a nut..lol

So since I'm in this crafty whirl wind I'll be taking you all with me through my blog so be prepared! :)

I even decided to upgrade my Americana table runner. It was far to drab before....
Photobucket

Here it is after.....

Photobucket

Photobucket
I added these cool buttons....I love buttons! I also added some rick rack like the previous girl who made this runner had. I was a little afraid of sewing it is why I didn't add it before but it's actually very easy!

Well that's enough of my crazy crafts for today!:)


Sunday, March 13, 2011

Time does help wounded hearts

Well I just happen to notice that today I would have been 36 weeks and 1 day along if the baby hadn't died. I would have been getting an amnio test done now, that is if I made it this far without any preeclampsia issues. I would have probably gotten to meet and hold my baby in the next week or 2.

There are many big "woulds" in those sentences. I know that I cannot live my life full of "would" and being disgruntled with the way God had my life willed. I can't go back and change things. All I can do is humbly accept His will. As I was writing those first few sentences I kept thinking along with each sentence; I would be blind, I would be damned, I would be spiritually dead, I would be engulfed in hell's flames for eternity. All those "woulds" seem to be a little bit more important. Of course there are also the "haves". I have not only 1 child but 2. I have been pregnant twice. I have carried 2 babies. I have been blessed a million times over than what I deserve.

Keeping perspective throughout all this has been a challenge. I admit that shamefully. I'm very thankful for what happened and being able to have been pregnant in the first place. I still have to remind myself at times that my happiness in God cannot be linked to what He gives me or doesn't give me in this life. It's a part of the battle, I'm learning.

Even though I noticed this "would have been" today with the baby I'm actually not sad. I feel at peace and just very content. I cannot say it's anything I could have done to make me feel this way. I know it's God's hand in this. I'm excited for the future but even if this were to happen again I would just pray that I could glorify God and rectify my mistakes from last time around.

After everything happened and I had my d&c I remember asking a friend if things would get any easier. If the unbearable feeling that came with the gut wrenching pain would ever subside. I know she and others told me that "time can heal". I didn't really believe it could then but I see now that it can help my wounded heart. It's not a cure-all but it does heal some.

If you've lost a loved one recently and happen to read this just know that time can heal some and that the jagged edges of the pain will subside. Time has a way of smoothing those out.





Friday, March 11, 2011

Crafts and such

As I have been trying to work my grandma's old serger and attempting to work on the baby blankets I've been playing around a little bit with cute ideas I've found online. Yesterday Ben surprised me with this :

Photobucket

What an amazing guy I got, right? :) I have been using my mom's older sewing machine the past week but kept getting increasingly frustrated when using the zigzag presser foot and stitch in general. Ugh! It kept jamming up on me. And the zigzag is the exact stitch I need to finish these blankets since I cannot get this serger to work properly. My patience level was just being cut short.

So while testing out the different stitches on my new machine I made this little ditty today.

I got it here from Tater tots and Jello. A craft blog that has fun and easy ideas! If you click the name you'll see her version.

Here is mine though. I went with an Americana version and changed it up a little bit:

Photobucket




Photobucket

Photobucket


Here is the bottom.....

Photobucket

It'd be a cute decoration for the fourth of July. I'm just glad I finished it! lol


Last blood work

Well yesterday I had my last blood draw done for my after care of the partial molar pregnancy in September. And my hcg levels are at......


Photobucket

Waa hoo!! I feel so blessed that the Lord has brought me through all this. Never did I think I'd be here with a chance of having more babies and typing this number!

Now we shall see what the Lord has willed for our little family! :) Keep us in your prayers.

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

Mazio's room for play :)

I have been wanting to check off cleaning and decorating Maz's play room of my list for a while now. Since I had an unknown boost of energy the other day I thought what the heck why not make today that day to do it. So I did!

He is currently still crib bound when it comes to nap and bed time but as we all know they grow like weeds. I know it's just a matter of time before he will be in his play room "officially". He already has a sneaky habit of getting by the locked baby gates in the living room that most adults can't even operate!:) Still not sure how he does that one.

I won't show you any before pictures of his play room. I'm too embarrassed!


I found these thick and chunky letters at Joann Fabric for a $1 a letter along with these cute animals for about $1 each also! I think it's cute.





Vroom vroom vroom! How cute is this car play rug!? Great toy from Great Grandma Cooper!

Of course there had to be the daddy and Mazio corner so they can rock out on their drum sets. And they do a lot! Boy does it get loud in that room!

Of course his room wouldn't be complete without "Bob-bob". I have a lot more that I want to do with his room! I want to make him a spongebob valance to match his bed spread and put in some shelves and pictures.


Monday, March 7, 2011

Nothing Hidden

Do you enjoy reading? Of course you do you're reading my blog!
Do you own an ipod, iphone, kindle or nook?

Well if you enjoy reading and own one of these devices then you need to check out...."Nothing Hidden" by Debbie Edmisten.



Nothing Hidden opens with the events of September 5, 1926 - the day mysterious, ebony-haired Eunice appeared at seven-year-old Mona Krane's home, tragically altering the remainder of her life. Now eighty-seven years old and expecting to die within a month, Mona reaches out to her nurse and friend, Ashleigh Craig, for help finding the answers to the buried secrets surrounding that fateful day so long ago. The search for the truth will take Ashleigh from Ohio, to the coast of Southern Maine, to New York, and back to Ohio in a desperate race against time before she finally uncovers the shocking truth of Mona's past.

If you enjoy fiction with a mystery twist then you'll love this book!

Check it out now at Amazon for only $2.99!


Click HERE to order your copy today!!


Sunday, March 6, 2011

Wrapped up in Hope

As you can see over to the right of my page is a new blog I've started.>>>

It's called "Wrapped up in Hope" and I pray that I can help bring some comfort and the reminder that there is hope for all those suffering the loss of a child.

When I lost my little girl and I was at the hospital waiting for my D&C to begin when the nurses handed me a bereavement folder. As I was looking through it I noticed behind a bunch of grief support pamphlets was a small receiving blanket square. It was so tiny compared to the receiving blankest that the hospital gives you when you have a baby. It was tiny, the perfect size for my itty bitty baby at 6 weeks.

I immediately was drawn to this little piece of fabric. It gave me such comfort and peace in the beginning days of my grief. I kept it with me always. I would wear it on my shoulder or across my chest during the day and clutched it ever so tightly when I was sad. I even cuddled with it at night when I went to bed as if I were cuddling my little baby that wasn't meant to be.

I look back now and I can't believe where I was and how far God has brought me through this difficult loss. I'm so thankful for the Lord and His simple blessings and continual comfort!

I wanted to start "Wrapped up in Hope" as a way to give back and comfort in some small way with making replica little receiving blanket squares for other grieving mothers. I also pray that in this service, Lord willing, that I can give mother's hope.
Hope that there is light at the end of the grieving tunnel and time can slowly heal. I hope to remind them also that God is the Great Comforter and share with them how He's helped comfort me and get me through the saddest and most painful of times.

I haven't officially opened the requests on the site because I'm waiting to buy the material I'll need but all the blankets will be free.

So if you know anyone who has lost a baby and would appreciate the blankets then please refer them to ....Wrapped up in Hope.




Saturday, March 5, 2011

Giveaway!!

Okay guys I have decided to start a giveaway! A special giveaway! The giveaway will be for my 20th follower! I haven't decided what it will be yet but just be on the look out!

I have some ideas cooking for this summer as well! So stick around and follow along, you just might be a winner! :)

Here we are

Well, here we are. It's March and this countdown to ttc is now coming to an end. I really can't believe it. To think that I'd be here now still in my child bearing years is a miracle. Almost 6 months ago I was very close to having a hysterectomy during my hemorrhaging from my D&C. Which was all from my partial molar pregnancy that we found out later.
I thank God for not closing this door yet. I still have some obstacles with trying for this 3rd pregnancy. I have a 10% chance of reoccuring preeclampsia as well as a 2% chance of another molar pregnancy. Despite these odds the last couple days I've been growing increasingly more excited for another pregnancy and hopeful for another baby! It's weird. This whole time I've felt uneasy and scared about it but now there is a sense of calm and happiness when I think about it.

Oh to be naive like I was when I was pregnant the first time. Back then I had no idea of all the many dangers and diseases that can occur during pregnancy. The even scarier part is that there are so many naive women out there like I was that don't know the signs and symptoms.

I know a girl I went to high school with who had to have an emergecy c-section at 27 weeks because the cord got wrapped around her babies neck and was suffocating him. Thankfully they got him out in time and he was okay but even these small things, these freak accident type things can happen.

Being pregnant is quite scary when you think about it. Pregnancy seems like it could breed paranoia! Who wouldn't in some small degree with all the preeclampsia, HELLP syndrome, molar pregnancies, cord issues and so many more. One big thing that has helped me get through these anxieties has been God. I truly feel He is responsible for giving me this at peace feeling with whatever the outcome of this next pregnancy will be. He got me through the pain last time and I know He'll get me through it again if He so wills.

On a side note...a friend whom I met through the preeclampsia foundation forum is now in labor with her second child! Her first was taken too soon from severe preeclampsia and HELLP syndrome. You can visit her here. Please keep her in your prayers today as I'm sure its going to be an emotional and bitter sweet day for her.

It's crazy. She was 2 weeks ahead of me in my last pregnancy. I would have had my c-section in the next 2 weeks if I made it this far. Surprisingly though I don't feel sad at all. I'm excited for her and just plain happy. I'm excited for March and can't wait to see what the Lord has in store!

Thanks for reading! :)




Friday, March 4, 2011

My big boy!

Okay, I know I already posted today but this was so stinkin cute I had to share it. My little man is getting so big! :)


video

Eating his meatball soup like a big boy! Too cute. :)




Miscellaneous

So.....What do you guys think? Does the change in style look better? I like it. It needed a change around here! :)

Well my cold is finally out the door! Woo Hoo! This cold bug going around is terrible. Afrin has become my best friend lately since I couldn't breathe at night.

Here in Ohio we were drenched in rain and storms earlier this week. I just love Ohio weather! This was the aftermath from our back yard....


We have a small creek that runs behind out property line in the back so when it rains it always floods but this was the worst we've ever seen it. Our back yard turned into a river!

To make it all worse, our sump pumps decided to not work properly so part of our basement flooded a bit. Fortunately we got it all taken care of and nothing important was damaged. So thankful that God didn't will for our house to flood any worse! And by the next morning our yard was back to its normal self......



That's all for now folks! Thank you for stopping by! :)

Thursday, March 3, 2011

Under Construction

I'm in the middle of re-designing my blog and didn't want you all to wonder what is going on. :) I'm digging the new look but now I have to get everything in order so its accessible!




Wednesday, March 2, 2011

March is here!

I cannot believe it is now March! The months seem to be going by rather quick, at least to me.

Before we know it the flowers will begin to bloom and the birds will be returning. Winter does have its beauties but when spring comes around I sure am glad that winter is over!

Since I've had a bad cold I won't be doing my last blood draw this week. I don't want to make any other mommy-to-be's sick. Its just mainly a stuffy nose now but it doesn't want to go away. So if my stuffiness is gone then next week will be my final blood draw! I can barely imagine it! Its crazy but sometimes it feels like everything that happened with the molar pregnancy was just a bad dream now. I know it wasn't but it seems so long ago.

The coming spring has made me nervous to be honest with you all. At first I couldn't wait for it to get here because I wanted to try for #3! Afterward though it was a nervous feeling and all the build up of pressure. Pressure to get healthy, to lose weight, and to exercise a lot more than I had been. I haven't even lost all that much weight. Like 6lbs or so really but I feel like I've lost inches. I still wish the scale would tell me more. I get so caught up with the numbers! Sometimes I wonder if the scale said 130 but I didn't look that small if I'd be more satisfied with the number to not care about how I looked! As always the perpetual plague of most women! I wish I could lose a lot more before we try but we'll see what happens. I have a couple more weeks before we can technically try anyways so maybe I can lose some more if I really buckle down and discipline myself more. Sometimes I wonder if its just my nerves that have my foot inching towards the break with this as I think of every excuse to wait, like my weight. I know though that God is with me and will get me through anything. I think I just need to push my nerves away and just do it.

I really feel at peace with whatever happens. God has really shown me lately all the undeserved blessings He has placed in my life these past few years. When you really focus on those daily and lifetime blessings you realize how content you are with having what you've already been given. So much that it wouldn't matter what else He gave you, you could be perfectly happy with what you have. Sometimes I get scared of going through the pain part of the miscarriage and wonder to myself if trying again will ruin my state of mind I have now and my content-ness with my life at this moment. Then I remember that we really can't decide what God will have or not have happen in our lives and live on that as being the key to our happiness. So sometimes you just have to let go of the reins so to speak and trust that God will do what He wills and learn to be content with whatever the outcome may be. I know that is sometimes harder said than done!

So the ttc plan is still a go. We shall see what happens. I'm a little nervous but I feel at peace and excited to see what God has in store for our little family.