A recent discovery has brought to light that God (in His own timing ) has blessed us with another baby. I got a positive test this past Saturday. Lets just say I was a little more than surprised to be staring down at a positive 2 lines on a pee stick this quickly :) We had been trying but stopped before I even ovulated because I had to have surgery to remove my wisdom teeth. Looking back at how it happened I'm amazed by His power. The way this happened is nothing but His will. Statistically speaking we shouldn't be pregnant right now, but because the Lord wants it, I am. I love situations like this to see Him work so noticeably. It makes me wonder how any one could say that they don't believe or that there is no God.
The first couple days we were in shock, it really hadn't hit us fully what we are in for. Then a few days had passed and I started to see. My first pregnancy with my son was so scary! The same fear I had then came back to me. What if this time I don't come out of this alive or with a baby? My mind was racing with the pain and heart ache that could be lying ahead. I was crying a lot and being extra emotional due to the hormones wasn't helping.
All of a sudden one day in the shower it hit me. What am I so afraid of? Don't I know that God is in control? As a believer isn't my main existence is to live by His will and for His glory through every situation in my life? I think God was trying to tell me to let go of my sinful fear and trust.
Since we've told everyone its become aware to me that some are scared for me and not quite as hopeful for a good out come since my last pregnancy was such a roller-coaster. Since I had my son I've experienced what some of my dear friends call "the mountain top experience". Its basically at whirl wind time period in my life where I felt closer to God than almost any other time and He just brought on so many convictions to me. It was amazing, He came in and changed my whole entire thinking about a lot of things and I felt like a new person! Its such an amazingly sweet sensation! Its hard to really describe but when He does it to you you'll know. However since I had this change happen to me I felt so much closer to Him and I felt like I could have conquered the world with Him. I felt as though the next pregnancy I could handle whatever out come as long as I had Him. I've been reminding myself of that strength He has given me since then. Am I going to be weak and forget my purpose and what He's done for me and gave me to grow and be closer to Him? I had to ask myself this question lately.
What I've really discovered is that God has given me time. He's given me a time to grow throughout this pregnancy and a time to magnify His glory and be a true testimony. One thing I think is so easy for us to forget in our lives is that people are always watching and actions speak so much louder than words. People are watching and waiting to see how you will react and handle what God has put into your life. Will you glorify Him? Will grow? Will I show the best testimony for Him? However God wills for this baby in the end, I must remember the love I have for Him. I am reminded through this of Job. He lost everything so rapidly without warning and yet he remained faithful to the Lord. That's such an encouragement to me along with some friends that have experienced the same heart ache!
Quoting John Piper- "and you say.......
through the deepest possible pain.......GOD IS ENOUGH...HE IS GOOD.....
He will take care of us , He will satisfy us, He will get us through this...
He is our treasure.....whom do I have in heaven but You....and on earth there is nothing that I desire besides You.....My flesh and my heart and my little girl may fail....but You are the strength of my heart and my portion forever.......that makes God look glorious!"
God is enough and He is good!