Last night was really hard. I felt the deep pain of the day we lost the baby sweep over me. Like wave upon wave the tears relentlessly kept coming yesterday.
My cousin is very ill right now in the hospital and her status isn't good. So hearing more on her and realizing the imminent sadness that today would bring I just felt like a mess of emotions. However, God is gracious and merciful. Here I was last night feeling pain on the coming of today that I must have released all the tears. Today I'm thankful that God has given me some peace. I haven't really cried and actually played with my little son and laughed with him a little. It has been a very surprising day of calmness so far. I know many have been praying for me and our little family lately and I hope to think that it's on the words of your prayers that God has answered and been with me today.
There is still a gloom to this day and it's not just the weather we're having, which isn't too appealing at the moment. I still feel what this day represents to me as not just a reminder of the loss itself but a symbolic moment of all the pain. It's also a reminder of God's love, the growth He's given me through this suffering, the blessing of a child, and hope.
Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers. I know many of you have sent me notes of encouragement and comfort, I really appreciate that as well. All these truly mean more to me than I can express. Love you all!