Monday, April 4, 2011

Six months ago

"Just 6 months ago you came and went.
We knew you were special when you were sent.
Now your so dearly missed. On your rosy cheeks we wished to kiss.
It's true time can heal.
We know one day God's plan He will reveal.
Until that day comes we'll love you and think of you and smile.
Even though you were only here for just a little while."


I can't believe its been so long since we said hello and goodbye shortly after. Nothing really prepares you for having a baby and the same goes for losing one. Some months seemed longer than others but I'm amazed at how God has brought us this far. He has stayed true and comforted me and gave me strength in my weakest of moments. He did not abandon me. Even when I would have abandoned myself.

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I conceived this little blessing in a manner that most fertility specialists would have deemed a miracle. And she was! As soon as I saw that first positive pregnancy test I said to my husband that without a doubt I knew that this baby was special. I just knew that God was going to use this little life. I also had a bad feeling that this pregnancy wouldn't last.

I cannot thank God enough for blessing us with this miracle baby. Even though she was never born and we never got to really meet her, carrying her for those 6 weeks was amazing! Being a vessel in which God brings about new life is quite honoring to me. The lessons I've learned after and through the pain of the loss has been life altering. It is because of God that I can say now that I wouldn't take back one ounce of the pain or suffering because I know now how our suffering links us to Christ and is only but a small fraction in comparison to what Christ endured.

Today was a hard day for me. It's not even Friday(the due date) and I'm an emotional mess, crying at the drop of a hat. Seriously, I find myself tearing up at dumb commercials even.

I decided to visit the grave today instead of Friday. Hopefully hubby and I can go out on a date to get my mind off of the sadness that day. I'd rather get the tears out now although I know I'll probably still be really sad that day.


I brought her this cute little pink bunny. I thought it was adorable and so appropriate for spring. Though here in Ohio some days still look like winter wants to return.

I told her how much I missed her and wished so badly I could be holding her in my arms right now. I wish I could visit my baby in her comfy crib instead of a cold damp cemetery. I wish that I could see her play with that little bunny on the floor with her her big brother Mazio. I wish that I could have seen her laugh and smile. I could go on with a million things I wish about this precious little one, but my biggest wish for any of my children would be that they be safe and God knew she'd be safest in His arms instead of mine. He knew what was best, what more could I ever wish for except for her to be in my arms then in the Father's arms. Her true Creator.

Though I miss her terribly I know she's right where she is meant to be.

I love you, my little one. I miss you everyday. I know one day I'll get to hold you.

2 comments:

  1. Oh Jennie,
    These feelings I can understand and these thoughts I can relate. I'm sorry that this journey is tough..I'll walk with you in it. You know I'm paying for you and hoping the best in the nearing future days.
    love-
    Felicia

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  2. I am so sorry for the loss of your little girl. I am so sorry you had to go through that. I hope tomorrow you'll be able to do something for yourself, a little TLC to get you through the day. I'll keep you in my prayers, darlin'.

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