Thursday, February 17, 2011

Wanting more....

Lately I can feel the excitement of the counting down to ttc and the pressure. Yes, I said it, pressure. I'm not saying that I don't want to have more babies. I have always had the desire to be a mother and have lots of kids, but lately I've realized that's not enough. Just simply having a bigger family isn't enough for my life anymore. I want to do more with my life. Not just anything more like taking a cooking class or dance lessons(which I think would be fun to try) or even redecorate my house. I want to take more risks for God. The world would just say to reinvent myself but God has already uninvented me to be a follower of Him. I don't want to live a safe life where I don't take any uncomfortable crazy steps for His glory. I want to share and spread the gospel all over. You may think this sounds a little crazy but I want to feel the resistance of sharing the gospel. I would love to do some kind of mission work. I want to do and be more for God. I don't know what that more is yet but I'm hoping with constant prayer that God will open up a door to something..some where..some time. I ask for all your prayers during this time of growth and change. For once in my life lately there is something I want ten times more than anything I ever thought I had before.

I'm realizing that all the things I desire for my life right now don't seem to be lasting ones. Not that they are bad or anything. Having babies,being a wife and tending my home are not bad things for a believer to do/want but I've been thinking to myself "is that all you want, Jennie?" It's not even a want but more feels like a need. I need to make risks in my life for His name. Not crazy random risks that have nothing to do with Christ. I've come to realize through my life now as a believer that we love being safe. It's in our nature. We want to take some steps for God but not any giant leaps of faith. We'd rather tip toe from here to there without having any visual disturbances. At least speaking for myself that's how I have thought/felt before. I want to break that in me because its not enough anymore. My love and desire for God feels its reached a boiling point where it won't let me take the safe route anymore. Please keep me in your prayers, I am not sure where God will lead me to but I know this feeling burning inside for more doesn't exist by accident.

Thank you for listening to ramblings.:)







6 comments:

  1. Marlene (a.k.a. MeMaw)February 17, 2011 at 11:44 AM

    Love your words Jennie. Thank you honey! =) Remembering there are seasons in our lives that we go into and come out of, all the while He's preparing our hearts and minds for those seasons. Being single/now married to your best friend. Wife and mommy~WOW! Your helping so many young mothers/friends through what God brought you and Ben through this last year, by His grace alone. Taking care of our sweet little Mazio, cleaning and preparing meals for your family are things to Praise God for in this life. Your season of being a young wife and motherhood takes many hours if not most of your hours. Bask in this incredible gift to be a wife and mother, I know you do and I know you do LOVE these blessings. I would say one day your door will be opened to do 'another' work for Him, like possibly a mission trip on foreign land, but for now your mission field is right in your backyard, in your home, with your neighbors, grocery stores, shopping trips, family.....sometimes it's tiny little steps we take that God is so pleased and He will give you confirmation of being a faithful to Him. It comes silently and quietly like the wind blowing so peacefully. Do not neglect His word and pray to Him daily. I love your desire to serve Him and for Him to grow you in your faith ~ it does bless my soul. Love you honey, Marlene (a.k.a MeMaw)

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  2. I so know what you mean. Some look down on those of us that are willing to take risks. The truth is when you suffer a loss and live life after its not living-your surviving. I feel that I need to take a risk and have a living child before I can progress in life wither that be spiritual or emotional or physical. Once you loose a child it's hard to focus on anything but what you were created to love. So again I understand what you mean and I'm on your page.
    ~Felicia

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  3. Love you!! MJE (just little Mazio James Exposito)February 17, 2011 at 3:46 PM

    Dearest Sweet Jennie, I just love your songs on here....it's so you. Thank you for always sharing your thoughts with us.......I love you sweety!! Marlene =)

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  4. How very encouraging, Jennie, and such a beautiful articulation of your heart. No doubt the Lord will bless the very desire that He's placed in you! Love you! Michelle

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  5. I think this post is awesome! Your words are so inspiring. You're a wonderful person and although our circumstances have been truly sucky, I'm glad that through that, a good part was getting to "meet" you through your blog. I really enjoy hearing your outlook on things. :)

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  6. Thank you all for your comments. I can only boast to God for giving me these intense desires for Him. I pray that He will open many doors or avenues for me to share His word and bring glory to His name.

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