Lately I can feel the excitement of the counting down to ttc and the pressure. Yes, I said it, pressure. I'm not saying that I don't want to have more babies. I have always had the desire to be a mother and have lots of kids, but lately I've realized that's not enough. Just simply having a bigger family isn't enough for my life anymore. I want to do more with my life. Not just anything more like taking a cooking class or dance lessons(which I think would be fun to try) or even redecorate my house. I want to take more risks for God. The world would just say to reinvent myself but God has already uninvented me to be a follower of Him. I don't want to live a safe life where I don't take any uncomfortable crazy steps for His glory. I want to share and spread the gospel all over. You may think this sounds a little crazy but I want to feel the resistance of sharing the gospel. I would love to do some kind of mission work. I want to do and be more for God. I don't know what that more is yet but I'm hoping with constant prayer that God will open up a door to something..some where..some time. I ask for all your prayers during this time of growth and change. For once in my life lately there is something I want ten times more than anything I ever thought I had before.
I'm realizing that all the things I desire for my life right now don't seem to be lasting ones. Not that they are bad or anything. Having babies,being a wife and tending my home are not bad things for a believer to do/want but I've been thinking to myself "is that all you want, Jennie?" It's not even a want but more feels like a need. I need to make risks in my life for His name. Not crazy random risks that have nothing to do with Christ. I've come to realize through my life now as a believer that we love being safe. It's in our nature. We want to take some steps for God but not any giant leaps of faith. We'd rather tip toe from here to there without having any visual disturbances. At least speaking for myself that's how I have thought/felt before. I want to break that in me because its not enough anymore. My love and desire for God feels its reached a boiling point where it won't let me take the safe route anymore. Please keep me in your prayers, I am not sure where God will lead me to but I know this feeling burning inside for more doesn't exist by accident.
Thank you for listening to ramblings.:)