Wednesday, March 2, 2011

March is here!

I cannot believe it is now March! The months seem to be going by rather quick, at least to me.

Before we know it the flowers will begin to bloom and the birds will be returning. Winter does have its beauties but when spring comes around I sure am glad that winter is over!

Since I've had a bad cold I won't be doing my last blood draw this week. I don't want to make any other mommy-to-be's sick. Its just mainly a stuffy nose now but it doesn't want to go away. So if my stuffiness is gone then next week will be my final blood draw! I can barely imagine it! Its crazy but sometimes it feels like everything that happened with the molar pregnancy was just a bad dream now. I know it wasn't but it seems so long ago.

The coming spring has made me nervous to be honest with you all. At first I couldn't wait for it to get here because I wanted to try for #3! Afterward though it was a nervous feeling and all the build up of pressure. Pressure to get healthy, to lose weight, and to exercise a lot more than I had been. I haven't even lost all that much weight. Like 6lbs or so really but I feel like I've lost inches. I still wish the scale would tell me more. I get so caught up with the numbers! Sometimes I wonder if the scale said 130 but I didn't look that small if I'd be more satisfied with the number to not care about how I looked! As always the perpetual plague of most women! I wish I could lose a lot more before we try but we'll see what happens. I have a couple more weeks before we can technically try anyways so maybe I can lose some more if I really buckle down and discipline myself more. Sometimes I wonder if its just my nerves that have my foot inching towards the break with this as I think of every excuse to wait, like my weight. I know though that God is with me and will get me through anything. I think I just need to push my nerves away and just do it.

I really feel at peace with whatever happens. God has really shown me lately all the undeserved blessings He has placed in my life these past few years. When you really focus on those daily and lifetime blessings you realize how content you are with having what you've already been given. So much that it wouldn't matter what else He gave you, you could be perfectly happy with what you have. Sometimes I get scared of going through the pain part of the miscarriage and wonder to myself if trying again will ruin my state of mind I have now and my content-ness with my life at this moment. Then I remember that we really can't decide what God will have or not have happen in our lives and live on that as being the key to our happiness. So sometimes you just have to let go of the reins so to speak and trust that God will do what He wills and learn to be content with whatever the outcome may be. I know that is sometimes harder said than done!

So the ttc plan is still a go. We shall see what happens. I'm a little nervous but I feel at peace and excited to see what God has in store for our little family.

1 comment:

  1. I'm so excited for you! I know it's scary believe me. Its like you read my mind. I too have waited for March to ttc for #2 but the fear makes me think of my weight and other reasons to make up to get healthier but the reality is..I'm not perfect..and that I just need to do my best and God will take care of the rest, right?
    That would be so awesome to share March with you in getting and staying pregnant! Can't wait to see where your life will take you and hope the best for you and your family.